


Give a shit less

by lavishsqualor



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-26
Updated: 2011-06-26
Packaged: 2017-10-21 15:07:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/226553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavishsqualor/pseuds/lavishsqualor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dean freaks out because he thinks that Sam wants to get married.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Give a shit less

**Author's Note:**

> **a/n:** Written for [](http://cherie-morte.livejournal.com/profile)[**cherie_morte**](http://cherie-morte.livejournal.com/) 's [prompt](http://bree-black.livejournal.com/84411.html?thread=730043#t730043) at the [Let's Get Gay Married comment!fic meme](http://bree-black.livejournal.com/84411.html) hosted by [](http://bree-black.livejournal.com/profile)[**bree_black**](http://bree-black.livejournal.com/).  
> 

  
Sam is beyond confused by the way Dean's been acting all day. And when he thinks about it, spends a little time analyzing, he realizes that Dean actually stepped into bizzaro-land last night already. But even so, Sam's still at a loss.

Last night they'd been at a pub just a couple blocks down from the motel they were staying in, while working a pretty straightforward rugaru case, and Sam had thought they were enjoying themselves. They were talking about the case and everything and anything else, and they were each only a few beers deep, but then all of a sudden, Dean got all shifty-eyed and claimed he wanted to "call it an early night." Sam wasn't exactly sure why, but he was willing to comply.

Then, later, when he turned on to his side in bed and curled towards Dean, expecting the early night to include hours of sex, Dean yawned and muttered something about being really tired. And he didn't even turn around to kiss Sam goodnight, and he didn't even sink into Sam's touch. He just laid still, totally unmoving. And for someone who was so tired, it was almost an hour before Sam finally heard Dean's breathing even out completely into the rhythm of sleep.

But that was last night. And today Dean was acting even more strange.

When they were at the diner this morning, Dean didn't order Sam's breakfast for him, like he normally did. And when Sam reached his leg across the space underneath the table to slide it up against Dean's, Dean jerked – didn't pull away, but did a definite weird jerk thing.

Later, after they'd taken out the rugaru, and Sam asked Dean if he was hungry and wanted to get some dinner, Dean responded by asking, "I don't know, Sam. Do you?" Sam doesn't think he's _ever_ experienced a Dean who's not in the mood to eat.

And those aren't the only things. Dean's been fidgety all day. Every time Sam touches him he flinches, and when Sam leaned over in the Impala once to sneak a quick kiss, Dean turned his face back toward the road, pretending he hadn't even noticed Sam's advance.

It was so unusual, and it was starting to really bother Sam. He was sure there was nothing really wrong, that Dean was just blowing some stupid thing out of proportion, but he was determined to figure out what it was and to remedy the situation.

Sam was continuing to think things over while they sat together on their new bed, having left Poughkeepsie earlier in the day and now staying in some truck-stop motel halfway between Rochester and Buffalo. They had their overshirts and shoes off and their feet kicked up, and were leaning back against the headboard watching the nine o'clock news, bottles of Bud in hand.

He was barely paying attention, too busy worrying both about the lead they'd caught wind of and about Dean's recent behaviour, but the anchor's voice broke through and caught his attention: _"people still reacting to last night's news that New York legislature legalized same-sex marriage."_

Attention hooked, Sam focused on the television to read the ticker making its way across the bottom of the screen: "Announcement of legalization triggers celebrations at gay pride festivals across the country; Most NY residents celebrating Senate's legalization of same-sex marriage; Celebrities announcing approval of the bill and also engagements."

What? Gay marriage? Well, that's news to him. How come he hadn't heard about it earlier? Did they not listen to the radio at all today?

And then something inside Sam's brain snapped into place. Last night at the pub there'd been only one television; and he hadn't been the one facing it.

 _Dean._

Could this really be what Dean was freaking out about? Looking over at him was more than enough confirmation. Dean's heart rate had picked up, noticeably, and he was tapping a fast-paced beat out on his thigh. When Dean felt Sam's gaze, he turned to meet it, and gave Sam the most sheepish grin he had ever seen.

"So, uh," Dean started. He stopped tapping his fingers and smoothed both hands across his thighs, as though he was trying to wipe off excess perspiration. He smirked at Sam and continued, "Gay marriage, huh? Whaddya know?"

Sam could not help but laugh profusely. Not _at_ Dean, not exactly, but more so at the situation. How in the world had Dean worked himself up so severely over this? Did he really think that this is what Sam would want? To get married?

Because he couldn't be further off.

"Dean." Sam's tone was not patronizing, it wasn't. Regardless, he took a second to think, he had to figure out how to word this, to reassure Dean.

"I think it's pretty cool," Sam said. But when Dean just started nodding all anxiously, Sam reached his hand out to still one of Dean's, to take it into his. "But not for us."

The sense of relief that flooded Dean's face was monumental. Thank goodness Sam had figured out what the fuck was going on with him. Well, he hadn't figured it out all on his own, but nonetheless, it was good that this had finally come up. So they could move on from it.

Dean breathed in tightly and asked, "No?"

"No, Dean. I mean, unless— If that's what you want."

"No, no," Dean said quickly. But Sam could see that Dean was afraid that he'd offended him. Afraid he'd turned Sam off and made him think he didn't care. But Sam knew that that wasn't it. Sam and Dean weren't used to a lot of things people considered "normal" parts of life. Like getting a first real job, or a house, or settling down, getting married, and popping out a couple kids. It wasn't in their plans, because it just wasn't them.

Neither of them had ever planned to actually settle down and get married. Well, yeah, Sam had, but that was years ago, a whole different lifetime, and he'd long since realized that that wasn't what he wanted. Wasn't what he needed.

And neither of them had expected to fall in love with each other. Yeah, they'd always been the biggest thing in one another's life. For Sam, it really had _always_ been Dean, and he knew without a doubt that it was the same for Dean. So when Dean was dealt only a year left to live, it was only natural that they finally took that next step, once they'd realized they were about to lose each other forever. While Dean was gone (Sam refused to admit even to himself that during that time Dean was actually _dead_ , and not just gone), life had been hellish. But ever since he'd been back, they've been inseperable. They're everything to each other, they're all they have, and they always will be.

And they sure as fuck don't need the state or the institution of marriage to tell them that.

"Dean, don't worry." Dean let out the breath he'd been holding and turned his hand so his palm was facing Sam's. Sam squeezed Dean's hand and continued, "It's just not for us, ya know. You're the most important thing in this world to me. You're my brother. You're my everything."

Sam noticed that Dean's breathing had returned to normal, but still he added, "And we sure as shit don't need that. A fucking marriage license? As if that's going to make the fact that we'll be together until the end, and even after that, any more real."

"Whew," Dean huffed out. "Thank goodness. I mean, no offence, Sammy. You know I love you. Just, just marriage. Yuck."

"I know, Dean. Believe me, I know." Sam stood and walked over to the minifridge, grabbed two fresh beers and handed one to Dean as he sat back down. "So do you think you could please stop acting like such a freak now that we've dealt with this?"

"A freak? Thanks, Sam."

"Seriously, Dean. You were being bizarre." He let Dean punch him in the arm, just returned it with a wide grin. "But, whatever, we've got it all figured out. Now let's just change the stupid channel and put on the game."

Dean surprised Sam by learning forward and briefly pressing their lips together. As he leaned back he said, "Oh, Sammy. A man after my own heart." Dean turned back towards the television and flipped through the channels until the Steelers and the Jets were running across the screen.

Sam drank his beer and tried to focus on the game. He really didn't give a shit about the game, that was Dean's thing. But he did give a shit about Dean, and he was so glad they'd figured this thing out. And the fact that they didn't need to get married to confirm what was between them, what they'd always have? Well, Sam gave a shit about that too.


End file.
